The 2022 Brennan Christmas Newsletter
Babies, babies, babies! + some gender identity stuff
Hi everybody!
It’s that time of year you’ve all been waiting for! No, not that time, the other one. You know, the one where Lyndsey rattles on via Christmas newsletter about her favorite topic: Herself.
As you may have inferred from our card, a lot has happened since I sent my last one — so let’s catch you up.
First, BJ has come out as non-binary and trans. They are using new pronouns, they/them, and a new name, Jade. They have asked that I no longer refer to them by masculine terms like “husband” and instead use gender-neutral words like “spouse,” which I am happy to do, because it is more comfortable for them.
When Jade told me they were rethinking their gender identity nearly three years ago, I felt scared and overwhelmed and angry that nothing about my upbringing or education prepared me for this.
But as I started reading books and articles, following queer influencers, seeking out TV shows with queer characters, and generally surrounding myself with LGBTQ voices, it got less scary and more exciting that Jade was leaning into and exploring this new facet of their identity.
People love to ask, “Did you know Jade was trans?” Here’s what I’ll say. Jade coming out was simultaneously surprising and not a surprise at all. I knew there were softer, more feminine aspects of Jade that I adored: They were more physically and verbally affectionate than I was; they had a gentle spirit that made babies, animals, and small children flock to them; and they didn’t seem to mind when I initiated conversations or took the lead in plan making.
But because I didn’t have vocabulary to explain concepts like “cisgender” and “transgender,” I wasn’t really able to recognize what was going on — and Jade didn’t really know themself, until a few years into our marriage.
Some parts of our life together look different now, but the important parts are the same: We are still kind of wild about each other. After five years, we still like being married to each other. We continue to do the things we’ve always done, like play games, listen to audiobooks, and visit friends and family together. Only now we also go to Pride and do an ungodly amount of thrifting.
Yes, Jade is out to their family, close friends, and co-workers, who (for the most part) have accepted Jade for who they are and voiced their support. Because that’s what good people do.
Recently Jade made me a playlist that ended with Sly & The Family Stone’s “Thank You [For Letting Me Be Myself].” The first time we listened to it, they twirled me around our kitchen and sang it to me.
And I just thought: That’s all I want to be able to do for the people in my life. Celebrate them as they are. It’s such a simple, powerful act. It doesn’t have to be revolutionary — but because our ignorant culture demonizes any amount of gender divergence, it is.
People don’t always get Jade’s new pronouns right — but we understand. It’s actually kind of sweet watching them trip apologetically over themselves genuinely trying to say the right thing. That they’re trying is a great indicator that they care.
When someone talks about their loved one coming out, inevitably you will hear them say something to the effect of, “They’re happier now — and so much more alive.” At first, I thought that was cliché. But, now that I’ve seen it day-in, day-out, that is absolutely the case here too.
OK. Second order of business: I’m pregnant!
(You may or may not have noticed the ultrasound we’re holding on the card.)
As of today, I’m 25 weeks along. I’m due April 2. We know the sex of the child, but we’re keeping it a surprise for everyone else — mostly because we want our kid to be able to tell people who they are and what they like, not the other way around.
Also, we can’t be the only ones fully weirded out by toxic gender reveal culture and sexualized baby clothes (i.e. “I heart boobies” or “Lock up your sons, daddy’s got guns" onesies).
We recently had a friend ask us, “How did you get to the point of ‘Let’s have a baby’?” It was definitely a conversation-by-conversation process that spanned seven-ish years. But after spending time with my friends’ kids, I realized that if I didn’t at least try to have a child, it would be something I deeply regretted.
My life feels most meaningful to me when I am giving myself (my attention, my observations, and my energy) to others. And I would feel like I was missing out if I couldn’t do that for a child in my care.
We’ve also been spending a lot of time with our nephew, a baby who made the “Should we have a child?” question easy to answer. (That’s him surrounded by our family — in and out of the womb.
For years I mostly steered away from the idea of kids because of ethical questions related to climate change: “If our world is going to be uninhabitable by 2050, is it right to bring a child into it?” But I eventually got to the point where I threw up my hands and said, “Fuck it. No one else seems to care if the world is spiraling toward disaster, why should I?” We’ll just be bringing another very loved soul along with us for a ride, I guess.
We’re currently renting a house in Kent near the university, but we’d eventually like to settle down near family back in Cleveland. But for now, between our lease and my job doing PR for a library in Stow, this location is what makes the most sense.
Jade is still working from home and loving the commute from our bed to their desk chair, still running some kickass DnD campaigns, and now heading up the Pride Alliance group at work. If it seems like I’m proud of them, it’s because I am.
As in years past, we’re wishing you brightness in the dark and warmth in the cold. May your days be good and glad this holiday and in the year to come.
Love,
Lyndsey (and Jade)
PS — Jade asked if they could include a poem they wrote about our baby-to-be in this newsletter, to which I said, “Hell yeah!” I’m not the only writer in this family, after all.
We compare you to the size of fruits
You are an orchard
of our hopes and dreams
fears, anxieties
Figs, limes, pears, avocadoThe air carries the rich tangy
zest of your presence
awaiting ripeness
Baking scones, watching the timer
to fill a patisserie of joyThe sweetness brings tummy ache
nausea in anticipation
butterflies pollinating stomach flowers
wasp absorbed by the fig
little sunbeam blossom— Jade Brennan
Goodness. That poem was everything. I wish I could write like that. Too beautiful. I'm glad they are finally out. Had been wondering if this had happened. Congratulations on baby! I pray everything is good and healthy with both of you
Beautiful. I feel so honored to get to read this.